Speeding on the Subway Through the Stations of the Cross

Despite my efforts to slow the Bang and the Clatter, this has been a hectic Lent. A combination of my own choices and unplanned circumstances upended my plans. My plan for Lent was to deny some of my overappetite for stimulation. My purpose in reducing stimulation is simply to increase my Awareness. Awareness of my Inner Light, of Charity (unconditional love) and Grace. While other years I have been more expansive, this year I was thinking more of just media stimulation. Every day I read multiple news sources, read and listen to political and social commentary, engage in discussions with multiple groups, listen to music, and I am "connected" at all times. The only media source I avoid regularly is television. I enjoy PBS, football games and a few shows. I loathe 24-hour news channels. I digress...

I have created some space these past few weeks and have had a few moments of better Awareness, but overall I have probably INCREASED my media stimulation. I am more connected than ever before. I see serious future benefits to relationships and even to increasing my Awareness from this increased connection, but the fact that I slipped right into it does give me pause. With difficult circumstances such as incapacitating pregnancy sickness Casey had (she's better now), bad spring allergy season, Momo dying, distressing family dynamics around the funeral, some extra commitments in the evening, increased work load - with these circumstances it is my nature to turn to stimulative and enjoyable activities, not to turn to quiet.

This week, sometimes called Passion Week, I had to assure myself that it was not too late. The temptation is to say I've failed, I'll do better next time, but the truth is I can still do a lot to increase my Awareness in this intense ending of Lent.

To that end, this Passion Week I am reading the works of Anne Catherine Emmerich. You can concern yourself, if you care to, with the authenticity or origin of her visions. But frankly I don't care. Like an African Proverb I heard, "I don't know if it happened, but I know it's true." There are some strange things she reports, to be sure, but not really any stranger than many incredible stories presented in our versions of the Gospels. And much like the Gospels, I don't concern myself with whether the details are right, it's the main themes that matter. What matters most to me in Anne's works is that it builds a reality for me of Jesus and his life, relationships and death. I read her intense and vivid descriptions and I'm transported. The preparations for Jesus' last Passover with his friends. The emotional moment when Jesus tells his mother what is about to happen.

She did not weep much, but her grief was indescribable, and there was something almost awful in her look of deep recollection.

Jesus' writhing and anguish in the garden right before his arrest is a tremendous story. Here Anne's recognition of what it was that grieved Jesus and her own part in that is both agonizing and inspiring. If you are interested, you can find her visions HERE. This week I have found it has significantly moved my Awareness.