I Didn't Get to Heaven, But I Made it Close

I sat in the front of the cart, bracing my hand on the steel edge as I twisted to get a view of what lay ahead. The tracks guided our cart, in a ponderous pace, into an immense cavern. The curving rock walls were visible on either side, lit red from below by an unseen source, though the flicker and smoke gave me a pretty good idea. I could see a split in the tracks ahead. I looked back at those riding with me, a circle of about 6 people that filled our iron cart. A guy in the back sat close to what looked like some controls, and I wondered which way he'd turn.

The cart wrenched left, and I could tell by the sway of his body and the look on his face that he had no more control than I. There was nervous laughter in our group and a small joke that he should have turned right. As I really looked at us for the first time, we seemed like any ordinary group of people I'm surrounded by on any ordinary day, familiar but not intimate. Another turn in the tracks. Hands gripped the sides harder, a few even reached for each other.

I turned again to the cavern and could see other tracks, thought I could see another cart full of people in the distance. The dim glow and occasional smoke made it hard to see a possible destination. I felt afraid because I didn't know where I was, and I was also afraid I did know.

A sharp left around a towering stalagmite, and a long, straight stretch of tracks came into view. I could see because straight ahead was a chasm whose round opening was bright with fire. It was a fire too intense for flames, hot enough for dancing volcanic sprays. And the tracks led directly into the hole.

Our fate no longer deniable, our sorrow erupted, but in a strangely calm way, crying and words, but not hysteria, a true mourning. We grabbed hands and arms. I faced straight into the growing chasm. I could see the bend of the rails drooping over the edge. Hot tears on my face, holding tightly onto the others, I spoke for the first time. "I love a lot of people, I hope I see them in an afterlife!" Knowing my existence was about to be extinguished, I repeated over and over, growing louder in a fervid mix of desperation and hope - "I love a lot of people, I hope I see them in an afterlife!" "I love a lot of people, I hope I see them in an afterlife!" "I love a lot of people, I hope I see them in an afterlife!"

I woke up. Shirt drenched in sweat. Feeling the reality of my uncertainty...