There is no Limit

There's enough for everyone, I remind myself every once in awhile. Sometimes it's harder to believe. When Casey and I were talking about having a 3rd child, my biggest concern was my ability to give unconditional love and acceptance to another child. The lack of sleep, the physical limitations, the financial costs, etc. are all temporary and seem to get quickly outweighed by the benefits. But I was far more concerned with my ability to give love and acceptance. I've worked very hard for the boys I already have and I don't want them to suffer any lack, nor would I want to parent a new baby with anything less than I gave the first two.

Fortunately, I am learning from the abundance mentality of the boys. The boys (almost 7 and just turned 5) were pretty quickly accepting and their acceptance has grown into excitement. Early on, I even tried to communicate my scarcity concerns for them. Trying to explain that a poopy diaper might interfere with a game, and that we'd have to fit 4 people into the reading chair at night, etc. These things do not concern them. William has shown me where Henri would sit in the chair and Aaron wants to practice changing diapers so he can help. The boys bring up Henri in ordinary conversation, talking about what he might be doing right now or what he'll do when he comes out. A couple weeks ago William was telling a new babysitter about his other brother Henri and showing her things he had made for Henri, till the sitter wondered what was going on. So William had to say, "Well, he's still in mommy's tummy." But more importantly, they seem to have no concerns for what this addition might mean for their emotional needs. Perhaps a quick story from Sunday morning best explains it.

Taking a break from a morning of pajamas, cartoons and playing, the boys were eating a donut on the deck. Aaron said, "This wouldn't be near as much fun without William." After checking what he might mean, he talked about how much William added to everyday life. William, who had been sitting there listening, piped up, "Yeah, and when Henri gets here it will be even better."

As the other Henri said, "With an abundancy mentality we say: 'There is enough for everyone, more than enough: food, knowledge, love ... everything.' With this mind-set we give away whatever we have, to whomever we meet. When we see hungry people we give them food; when we encounter people in need of love, we offer them friendship and affection and hospitality and introduce them to our family and friends."

So Henri VanDyke, your family is still human and will be selfish sometimes, but we're excited, and hang on because I've got a feeling it's going to be quite a ride.

The Scent of it Lingers

I was up early for a run. My path turned East in time to see the rising sun paint orange ribbons across my horizon. The weather was cool, but humid. The air clung to my shirt in drops and dripped off the end of my nose with every fourth stride.

When the air is that humid, it seems to intensify smells, as if the scent is captured in the moisture, hanging mid-air, waiting to be inhaled. As my path ran through tall grass laying freshly cut, I breathed deeply a smell from my past.

French novelist Marcel Proust said "When nothing else subsists from the past, after the people are dead, after the things are broken and scattered - the smell and taste of things remain poised a long time, like souls bearing resiliently, on tiny and almost impalpable drops of their essence, the immense edifice of memory."

The smell of cut hay opens, for me, an immense edifice of memory of my adolescence. It is the smell of hayfields on a hot summer day from my teenage years, hayfields on my grandpa's farm. The feelings are strong, and conflicting. It is the memory of being exactly where I wanted to be and doing what I wanted to be doing, yet also the worry of doing it right, appearing competent and capable.

I remember this one afternoon, my last day before we moved rather far from the farm, I raked hay using an old John Deere. As the day neared its end, my grandpa waited at the edge of the field in his truck. When I finally climbed into the cab, he said, "You could have combined those last windrows instead of making so many passes. But I figure you wanted to make it last." Yes, I did. And for good reason, because that memory is now all that's left.

As We Divide Against Each Other

I’m all for dissent and challenging authority. So when I heard the buzz about these raucous crowds at town hall meetings on health care reform, I thought “good for them” even if I don’t agree with the dissent. I finally got a chance to see one of these town hall meetings. Sen. Specter held an open meeting in Lebanon, Pennsylvania, and I watched the entire meeting on CSPAN.

I’m not a political fan of Sen. Specter, and from a distance his party-switch sure seemed opportunistic. I also understand (as I’m sure he does) that he chose this job and that means dealing with people, whether they like you or not. To make matters worse, the senator started the meeting off with some unhelpful words that displayed an insolent attitude, something like “I don’t get any extra pay for being here and I don’t have any requirement to be here.” Not a good way to endear yourself to your constituents. None of that, however, excuses being rude or mean to the man, and many at the meeting certainly were. But they were angry and we often do regretful things when we’re angry.

It’s that anger, though, that astonishes me. At times the expressed dissent was downright hateful. Unfortunately for everyone, most of the concerns expressed were based on misinformation or distortions and the questioners’ general sense of anger and distrust seemed to completely cloud their ability to reason (again, certainly a common human issue when we’re angry). A few good questions were raised, but the overall theme was definitely one of anger and resentment.

Before the question period could begin, a man rose and began shouting in anger. He was literally shaking he was so emotionally upset. Shouting just a few feet from Specter’s face, he accused Specter of trampling the constitution and that “One day God will stand before you and judge you and the rest of your damn cronies up on the Hill and then you will get your just desserts." I have to believe the man was sincere and I take him at his word, which means this man believes that God has taken a position on interpreting the US Constitution and to violate the Constitution is a sin! Beyond that this man’s anger is palpable and his desire for someone to “pay” for how he feels is very real.

The crowd cheered loudly for another man who believed part of the health care solution is to “round up the illegals and get them out of here.” It was heart-breaking to hear my fellow citizens cheering at the “rounding up” of men, women and children. An older gentleman expressed concern, in a respectful manner at least, that the Koran orders Muslims to kill non-Muslims. President Obama was accused several times of the auto bailout even though that was actually proposed by and signed into law by President Bush.

The loudest reaction from the crowd was for a woman who declared that the anger was about “the systematic dismantling of this country, we don’t want to turn into Russia!” It was not clear if she thought Obama was accomplishing the dismantling in the last 6 months or if she was unloading years of anger (though I believe the Republicans controlled all 3 branches of government for 6 or 7 of the last 10 years). This was a recurring theme and also one that astonishes me - whether or not someone or some idea is “American.” With no awareness of the irony, the crowd bristled at having been called un-American by some but then turned around and shouted angrily when Specter said “President Obama knows he’s an American.” The mere fact that Specter even had to say that is jaw-dropping; the crowd’s reaction is beyond belief.

In similar style, one dissenter was concerned that the proposed health care was “not American” and was “socialist” and then admitted he was currently unemployed and receiving unemployment benefits! I am glad for him and his family that the socialist program of unemployment is able to help him.

You might think I’m cherry-picking but I assure you I am not. The video record is available. The best-expressed concerns were about whether we can afford the proposed health care plans and questioning the financial sense of the cap-and-trade bill. The best question of the night was “why would the government buy an auto maker who makes cars no one wants?” But these few financial concerns were quite small compared to the charges of un-American, socialist, turning into China, etc.

Serious topics often come down to such buzzwords, sadly. Two buzz words even more loaded than those already mentioned are euthanasia and abortion. A woman said that according to the current House of Representatives’ health care bill, “Section 1233 of the proposed health care plan… What it says is, as a 74-year-old man, if you develop cancer, we're pretty much going to write you off because you're no longer a working citizen who will be paying taxes.” I read Section 1233 that she’s talking about and for her to say that flat-out amazes me. I believe someone told her what that section means, because it’s not at all as she stated. Section 1233 is a favorable provision for patients; it offers to pay for something that right now is needed but not a covered expense. That section offers to pay for (but does NOT require) a doctor to talk with a patient about a living will, advance care planning, durable power-of-attorney, the roles and duties of a health care proxy, and what all this stuff means. These things are incredibly important and far too many people are without them. I would abhor euthanasia and this Section 1233 does nothing to advance euthanasia. In fact, it looks to me like this would get more people making their OWN decisions. Absolutely incredible that something like this would be so blatantly distorted.

I am also highly in favor of reducing abortions and am sensitive to the concern about abortion funding. This issue is also being distorted, but it only came up once at Specter’s town hall. My caution regarding shouts of “I don’t want my money paying for someone’s abortion” is that we already do. If you pay taxes, our taxes help pay for abortions. If you pay insurance premiums to a private insurer, it is most likely that your premiums help pay for abortions. Depending on the medicines you buy, the doctors you see, the hospitals you pay - your money helps pay for abortions. That’s a stiff wall to climb, and it may be one you’re willing to pursue, but it bothers me when people get twisted around by this sensitive topic during a discussion of health care reform. If your goal is to stop any of your money from helping to pay for abortions, you have to head straight to amending the Constitution, not stop a health care reform that maintains the status quo.

I’ve gotten into more specifics about the dissent than I intended, but once I got started I thought it best to provide examples of the anger and resentment I saw. It’s difficult for me because, as I said, I respect dissent and challenging authority. And I believe these were sincere people, I know them, they are some of my friends and family. They are afraid and have been hurt and they are angry. When I’m feeling those things I get even more defensive and self-focused than I usually am, and anything that looks like it might take something from me (or did take something from me) is an easy target for my anger. My heart goes out to the people I saw on CSPAN and I wish for all of us a health care discussion that has as its central values that EVERY human being is Yahweh’s child and that protecting the health of each human being is a profoundly important personal and communal responsibility.

Need

What's stalling progress in health care, in my opinion, is any sense of "need." I read a recent Rasmussen poll that said 68% of voters considered their health insurance coverage "good" or "excellent." It's difficult to achieve change for only 32% of voters (I think we can safely ignore non-voters when discussing achieving political change). And it's VERY difficult to achieve change for a minority when it may cost the majority something.

I want health care reform because health care is rationed here in U.S. and I believe we can be more equitable in our rationing. Personally, I'm happy with my health insurance coverage. I consider it expensive and the costs have risen every year the past 10 years, but I am able to adjust finances and I have been fortunate enough to avoid all major illnesses. But I also understand that our health care is rationed here in the U.S., I just happen to be at the head of the ration line. Because I can afford my premium, deductible, co-pay, and co-insured payment, I can afford most health care I will need. When we needed help for Casey's migraines beyond what was covered by our health insurance, we were able to pay the bill from our own pocket and she was able to gain some relief. I can afford preventative medicine with my son's asthma. Others may have emergency care available for free when an asthma attack hits, but because I'm at the head of the ration line I can obtain preventative care. The health care system rations care and gives it to me and my family because I can afford it.

I want health care reform because I am already subsidizing the care the system gives to people with no health insurance coverage at all. The hospital charges me more to make up for the care it gives to people who receive care even when they can't afford it. The ambulance service costs me more because it's cheaper for some people to call 911 and get emergency care (for non-emergencies) than it is to go visit a doctor. Doctors and hospitals have to charge me more because people who could not afford care neglected to see a doctor for problems that have now gotten much more serious, but their ability to pay hasn't changed. Since I'm already paying an extra cost for this broken style of care, I'd rather see these same people get preventative care.

I want health care reform because getting sick shouldn't cause bankruptcy. A recent Harvard study showed that 62% of all personal bankruptcies in the U.S. in 2007 were caused by medical debts. The study found: "Most medical debtors were well educated, owned homes, and had middle-class occupations. Three quarters had health insurance." It makes me wonder if very many of the 68% who think their coverage is good or excellent have yet weathered a serious illness. How many times have we seen collection cans on the gas station counter to help pay for the out-of-pocket costs of some hard-working family hit by illness or tragedy? Just last week a guy in this area saved a toddler from certain death and suffered severe injuries in his efforts. Of course, a fund raiser was immediately scheduled to help him pay for his medical care not covered by health insurance.

I do not believe that tweeks will resolve my concerns. I believe we need serious change.

Yes, I'm concerned about what the financial costs of health care reform may be. But when I can progress beyond my desire to protect what's mine, I realize something MUST be done. The status quo is not an option. If I approach the current legislative proposals with an understanding of need and desire for serious change, I am much better able to ignore the lies and distortions about what the proposed reform is (and is not).

Hear Their Heartbeat

On August 6, 1945, 64 years ago today, the United States dropped an atomic bomb on Hiroshima, Japan. With heat up to 7,000 degrees and blast winds over 600 mph, the bomb obliterated a square mile of the city, killing between 100,000 and 140,000 people. Most of those killed were civilians as Hiroshima had a civilian population of 300,000 and an army base containing about 43,000 soldiers.

Three days later, on August 9, 1945, the United States dropped another atomic bomb on Nagasaki, Japan, a city of about 200,000 people. The blast that day killed between 40,000 and 70,000 people.

Thousands and thousands of women, children and other innocent people were incinerated, deformed or given slow painful deaths. This is a tragically sad day in history.

I take time today to reflect with humility and horror at the unimaginable pain and destruction. I reflect on the horror without judgment of the men who rained it down, themselves trapped in the human pattern of violence and of valuing our own life greater than someone else. The bombs' effect on the end of the war is debated, but that seems to me a distraction from the reality of charred and mutilated women, boys, girls and men. Maybe it ended the war more quickly, maybe it didn't. But it's hard to see any justification for annihilating a city's civilian population, people no different than those in Kansas in 1945, just trying to get through the war and praying their family did too.

Though saddened by America's choices, I am also encouraged by America's renewed interest in eliminating nuclear weapons. We can, and should, lead the way. By remembering the horror and anguish, maybe we can find the courage to take bold steps toward eliminating weapons designed to kill innocent people.